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User blog:BadmininaIsEw/I've got a little to say.
= Where do I start? = I've got so much to say... Let's start with the fact that I'm being dragged along. Teased. Let's start with the fact that I don't really have any friends. Considering that I can't have friends. What I want is apparently too much for them to give me. I guess I just want to feel like I'm needed by someone. Or at least wanted. I guess I want the KIND of attention Alyssa gets. Not the AMOUNT. The TYPE. Everyone trusts her. Everyone wants to be around her. Everyone wants to share everything with her. People beg her not to leave, even if it's only for a few minutes. Of course, I've been fed information. Alyssa is Joey's alter ego. And I can kinda see that. I also see evidence towards it being Hikaru's. So I'm jealous of the attention a possible fictional character gets. Nice. If Alyssa's her own person, whatever. Idc. Speaking of not caring, the promise we made to Alyssa? Of not killing ourselves or leaving? When did that happen? Fun Fact: I don't think I've ever made a promise in my entire life. Now let's talk about Hikaru... And how we will eventually fail. What's going to happen? I'm going to want to meet IRL, or I'm going to want to see a picture of her, or I'm going to want to hear her voice. She's going to get sick of saying no, and dump me. That's what's going to happen. I mean, there's a lot of reasons to understand why someone would think she is male. I've found too many of my own reasons to wonder that. What's going to happen? She's not going to like me not being on her side 100%, and dump me. So, Hikaru and I? I'm going to fuck up this relationship, resulting in her dumping me, resulting in me being depressed. Not that anyone really cares anymore. I get depressed, eh that's usual. Alyssa gets depressed, I think you get the point. Idc about you people anymore. Why should I? You don't care about me, why should I have to try harder for these relationships? I have to try extremely hard for just simple, casual conversations. And trying to get a deeper conversation? That's more of a lost cause than me. I'm sick of putting in so much of my time and work into relationships where I'm not being respected. I'm done. And no imaginary promise is going to keep me from being done. I may not be able to kill myself, but the depression, and loneliness, and delusions will. These problems have been beating me for too long. And no one has done a good enough job of pulling me back up, apparently. Thanks for nothing. I really appreciate it. I'm still addicted to this place, so you'll see me around, but it's very unlikely that I'll try to start up a conversation with you. I'm sick of trying so hard for nothing. The only one I'll keep trying with is Hikaru. I might as well keep this relationship going as long as possible... Before I fuck up, of course... Category:Blog posts